What’s a Solo Honeymoon? The right way to Journey Alone for Self-Discovery

When my fiancé received down on one knee final summer time, I had no thought the whirlwind of wedding ceremony planning that awaited us. Regardless that we opted for the non-traditional, micro-wedding route (hey Airbnb), the stress of planning any occasion is sufficient for me to jet off to an island the place decision-making frenzies are 1000’s of miles away. As a substitute of reserving a {couples}’ retreat, although, I packed my luggage for a solo honeymoon in Hawaii. Sure, you learn that accurately. Whereas most {couples} plan honeymoons collectively after saying their “I do’s,” I made a decision this was the proper alternative to reconnect with myself earlier than committing to a lifetime with another person, and my husband—then fiancé—absolutely supported me.

Positive, the idea of a “solomoon,” aka a solo honeymoon, felt radical at first, however I additionally knew it will be a refreshing probability to floor myself and consider my priorities. “Taking time to go on a solomoon is a superb approach to set the tone for an interdependent marriage, the place each individuals are prioritizing themselves as people,” says Morgan Anderson, PhD, a licensed medical psychologist and relationship coach. “Self-care is not egocentric. While you take time to hook up with your self, you might be additionally doing the proper factor on your marriage.”

So, what occurred after I intentionally selected to journey sans fiancé a number of months earlier than assembly him on the altar? I knew taking a solo honeymoon was going to be fulfilling mentally and emotionally, however my precise expertise was transformative in a manner I wasn’t anticipating, getting ready me to point out up for my husband and our marriage as the most effective model of myself.

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Why I went on a solomoon

Bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette events, babymoons, and conventional honeymoons all have fun totally different shared milestones—getting married to your companion, welcoming a brand new life into the world, and beginning a brand new chapter in a relationship. A solomoon, nevertheless, is a novel pre- (or generally post-) wedding ceremony retreat devoted solely to your self. It is an opportunity to pause, mirror, and make sure you’re bringing your finest self into your new marriage.

“Getting away and experiencing the liberty of touring solo after declaring your union is a novel and controversial manner of celebrating your wedding ceremony,” says Doni Belau, journey professional and founding father of Ladies Information to the World, a corporation that curates group journey journeys for girls. The controversy right here, in fact, being that individuals are typically skeptical after they hear somebody is happening a solo honeymoon as a result of they really feel that touring with out your companion foreshadows issues in your marriage. “Nonetheless, a pre-wedding solo journey is usually a great approach to solidify who you might be and what you want personally to really feel sturdy and unbiased whereas on the similar time being a part of a unit constructed on togetherness and compromise,” Belau provides. In reality, a 2023 research¹ discovered that spending time away out of your companion helps cut back total ranges of stress, whereas a 2021 research² by the identical writer discovered that adults who hung out in solitude reported extra intrapersonal development.

“A solomoon helps construct a wholesome marriage tradition as a result of it communicates that your lives as people should not ‘ending’ when getting married.” —Dr. Morgan Anderson, a licensed medical psychologist and relationship coach

“A solomoon helps construct a wholesome marriage tradition as a result of it communicates that your lives as people should not ‘ending’ when getting married,” says Anderson. “It is very important understand that in a wholesome marriage, each the wants of the person and the wedding are prioritized.” After all, solo journeys for self-discovery are nothing new. Many journey corporations even cater completely to solo journeys for girls, in line with Belau. A survey of Gen Z ladies by StudentUniverse additionally revealed that over half (58.3 p.c) of respondents are eager on touring overseas alone. Their high causes? Empowerment and private development. Mix that with analysis exhibiting that constructing your personal happiness results in extra pleasure in relationships, and I used to be all in.

What occurs on a solo honeymoon?

My solo honeymoon to Hawaii was every part I dreamed a pre-wedding escape can be. Whereas my soon-to-be husband held down the fort again in Colorado, I spent the week indulging in non-public yoga lessons, soaking in scorching springs surrounded by greenery, and having fun with blissful afternoons stuffed with spontaneous adventures and self-reflection. On Lanai, it’s regular to go on an extended hike and never run right into a single individual. One of many smallest of Hawaii’s islands, Lanai is residence to solely 3,300 residents (in comparison with its neighbor Maui’s 166,000). Regardless of being 98 p.c owned by a tech billionaire, it’s a spot that adheres tightly to its just about untouched lifestyle. After visiting, I perceive why it fights to remain this manner.

However my journey didn’t begin off utterly picturesque. Earlier than I boarded my second flight of the day—a small eight-passenger plane from Oahu to Lanai—my coronary heart raced, and the stark actuality of being alone hit me onerous. Instantly, I used to be pressured to confront my flight nervousness alone. For my part, flying is all the time simpler with a companion—somebody to look at your baggage when you go to the toilet, somebody to assist calm pre-flight jitters. So, at first, I used to be hesitant to welcome the “alonement,” a time period coined by writer Francesca Specter as “the state of being alone.” (And the science provides up: an over-active nervous system can dysregulate the physique, in line with a 2018 research³.) Why could not I simply maintain my husband’s hand like I usually do on flights?

Because the flight ready for takeoff, I had two choices: to run away from the feeling or to really feel it. I selected the latter; I remembered my coping abilities. “Oh, I get anxious earlier than flying. This isn’t new.” Being alone in new conditions has an unbelievable manner of showing our interior strengths. When issues go awry, we are able to mirror on our resilience; we be taught to belief ourselves; we be taught we are able to overcome virtually something. So, after a number of minutes of teaching myself by means of the flight, we landed in Lanai and I breathed a sigh of aid, the primary of many throughout my solo honeymoon.

Solo journey: embracing the last word type of self-care in Hawaii

Sensei Lānaʻi—one in every of two 4 Seasons resorts on the island—provides all of the hallmarks of an opulent retreat: state-of-the-art spa hales, non-public onsen gardens for soaking, and even a signature restaurant by Nobu. Actually, I felt fairly badass being the one individual eating at a five-star resort one night time. However the resort’s clientele, myself included, aren’t right here for the fluff. We come for individualized teaching as a part of an ultra-customized wellness expertise.

My fiancé is an avid mountaineer whereas I’m a slow-flow yoga instructor. On this journey, I took full benefit of the resort’s choices. It’s not that I didn’t miss him (perhaps distance actually does make the center develop fonder); fairly, I used to be utilizing this time to faucet into my interior self, to remind myself of who I’m. I even labored with a mindset specialist to refine my breathwork approach—inhaling by means of the nostril and exhaling slowly by means of the mouth, extending the exhale by an additional depend or two. “Breathe in for 4 counts and exhale for six,” my sensei information, Lydia, instructed me throughout one in every of these therapeutic breathwork periods.

I opened as much as Lydia about my stress ranges (Why is slicing your visitor record so onerous?) and well being considerations. The following day, I used to be booked for a personal yin yoga class that targets leisure and digestion. As I settled into little one’s pose and felt the soothing contact of my yoga instructor soften away stress in my hips, I couldn’t assist however assume I had completely hacked the way to honeymoon alone. I felt centered, relaxed, and in tune with myself in a manner I would not have been in a position to obtain at residence or touring with another person.

For the primary time, I had absolutely tapped into a way of self-reliance. The quiet solitude of the island helped me confront pre-wedding anxieties head-on and develop new coping methods, like breathwork. I discovered peace and contentment alone, which, mockingly, made me really feel much more ready for marriage. This solo journey proved that self-care isn’t nearly bubble baths—it’s a relationship superpower. As somebody with a observe report of codependence, this was significantly transformative. By nurturing my very own identification, I found that I can deliver my full, genuine self into our relationship with out getting misplaced within the combine. This newfound readability has set the stage for a stronger, extra fulfilling bond with my companion.

Why you must contemplate taking your self on a solo honeymoon

Marriage is a life stage that includes redefining your boundaries as you develop nearer to your partner. I discovered spending devoted time alone through the engagement was essential to reflecting on this transition from singlehood to marriage, and actually defining what a union means to me. Whereas it might appear lavish to some, my solo honeymoon journey to Hawaii wasn’t about luxurious or distance—although, it is completely superb to deal with your self to an opulent getaway if that is what’s fulfilling for you. My solomoon was about introspection and connection. It was the unbiased time and connection to my breath that made all of the distinction—not the palm timber and salty ocean waves—and also you don’t have to journey to a luxe vacation spot to expertise that for those who’re contemplating a solo honeymoon.

“When every individual deliberately makes time to tune into themselves, it offers the wedding the most effective probability at thriving.” —Dr. Morgan Anderson, a licensed medical psychologist and relationship coach

Whether or not you journey to a distant island, a bustling metropolis, or a quiet retreat, what you’re taking away from the expertise is extra vital than the place you might be. So, for those who’re engaged, newly married, or simply want a possibility to mirror exterior of your relationship, contemplate a bit of solo journey to ease your thoughts. It may be troublesome to take time away out of your companion, particularly for those who aren’t used to being aside. Though my companion is totally my finest pal, touring solo allowed me to reconnect with myself, away from day by day distractions and the expectations of others. I realized that private pleasure and readability come from inside, not from exterior experiences. I gained a deeper appreciation for myself and for the form of partnership, I wished to construct. And the expertise as a complete strengthened the concept happiness in a relationship is not nearly shared experiences—it is also essential to seek out pleasure by yourself.

The thought of solo journey on your well being and the well being of your relationship resonates personally with Belau. “Exploring the world and chasing new experiences is a part of my DNA, so I have to journey greater than [my husband] does,” she shares. Belau additionally reminisces about how she and her husband would take turns giving one another solo journeys whereas elevating their youngsters, which helped them return residence refreshed and excited to reconnect. This stability of independence and togetherness has been important for retaining their relationship sturdy and vibrant, she provides.

In case you’re nonetheless hesitant a couple of solo honeymoon, Anderson suggests attending to the basis of your fears. For these afraid of retaining the reference to their companion alive whereas they’re aside, Anderson recommends “connection rituals” like nightly FaceTime calls or good morning texts. She additionally advocates for utilizing this time to discover private pursuits. “Think about visiting a contemporary artwork museum that your companion may not take pleasure in,” says Anderson. “That is your probability to bask in experiences that really resonate with you.”

What I realized on my pre-wedding solo honeymoon

A solo honeymoon is a chance to overlook your companion, rekindle your sense of self, and return to your relationship with a refreshed perspective. Plus, it supplies the proper alternative to jot down your vows with out distraction, which I undoubtedly took benefit of.

For me, this solo journey was additionally a symbolic passage, marking the final time I traveled with my maiden title. It was a remaining homage to my roots earlier than embracing the brand new title of “spouse.” Whereas a solo journey could appear indulgent, it’s in the end an funding in your well-being and the well being of your future marriage. “Spending time aside earlier than your marriage permits every individual to reconnect to themselves and tune into their very own wants,” explains Anderson. “When every individual deliberately makes time to tune into themselves, it offers the wedding the most effective probability at thriving.”

Now that I’m residence from my solomoon, I really feel extra prepared than ever for this subsequent chapter of my life, decision-making frenzies and all. My husband and I are jetting off to South Africa for our precise honeymoon—a journey I can’t wait to embark on collectively. Within the meantime, I’m reminding myself that these journeys are about extra than simply journey; they’re about creating reminiscences, deepening connections, and laying the inspiration for a lifetime of adventures.