Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me let you know about this wonderful lady.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No surprise I really like the music of Alan Doyle (and Nice Large Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool trainer for 22 years and has been an energetic member in her neighborhood for her complete life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Growing older. She usually drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the outdated folks” (as she known as it), which she did effectively into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I might swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my telephone, usually distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I believe having recognized her my complete life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has all the time been right here, and Gramma will all the time be right here.”
Fortuitously, I stumbled upon an historic Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my latest visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea relationship again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how usually we do one thing or see any individual, it’s the solely time that it’s going to really occur this manner, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As an alternative of checking our telephones, we will deal with the individual or activity in entrance of us.
- As an alternative of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we could be right here now.
- As an alternative of going by way of the motions, we generally is a bit extra deliberate with our conduct.
I’ve mirrored rather a lot on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.
I ended worrying concerning the future or ruminating on the previous, put my telephone down, and simply sat along with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I might get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent just a few summers residing in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their house along with his personal two arms. And the way a lot she liked it.
She advised me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and obtained caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.
I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared images of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some images of me and her from method again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, not sure when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt completely different. I had related with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I most likely had up to now 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Neighborhood
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of friends would present as much as test on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her greatest pal. Her pal Anne. Buddies from the Council of Growing older. Fellow quilters. Folks from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the identical time, and it became an absolute celebration.
I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life effectively lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped every little thing to come back and spend time along with her, swapping tales and protecting her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has a terrific humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and mentioned, “I remembered one other story!” She then advised me concerning the time she “borrowed” a automotive, though she didn’t have a license but, to drive by way of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the telephone along with her 94 12 months outdated brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you outdated geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher immediately?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and the entire folks from completely different components of her life felt like the absolute best use of my time. I’m in love with the neighborhood she has round her, and I’m consistently moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional house by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Reside Intentionally
The hospital wherein my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his e-book Walden.
At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by way of the bushes.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I needed to stay intentionally, to entrance solely the important details of life, and see if I couldn’t study what it needed to educate, and never, after I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most vital to him.
Gramma went the opposite path, prioritizing what’s most vital to her: household, associates, and neighborhood.
Two completely different eventualities, the identical finish outcome:
Selecting to stay intentionally.
I don’t have plans on transferring into the woods and residing merely, however I do suppose I’ve accomplished my greatest to stay extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most vital to me too: associates, household, and neighborhood.
All We’ve got to Determine…
A couple of years in the past, Gramma offered my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I need to give them to you now in order that we will take pleasure in this second collectively.”
She took the time to elucidate the which means behind every quilt and why they have been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, reasonably than ready to listen to about these lovely quilts after she handed.
After I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had handed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means obtained to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.
For that cause, I’m penning this essay now to verify she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so happy with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to study from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I obtained a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and he or she liked it. Mission achieved!)
I actually hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again house. In any case, she advised her pal Laurie “I’m not accomplished but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we have now to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to stay extra intentionally:
- If you happen to’re keen to place your telephone down and be current with the folks in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- If you happen to’re keen to prioritize what’s really vital as a substitute of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go flawed with the alternatives you make.
- If yow will discover a approach to deal with the vital folks in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it whenever you’re 94.
And at last keep in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do immediately, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: If you’d like a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely suggest Wim Wenders’s Excellent Days.
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